Trust the process

"In moments of doubt you’re at your strongest. You’ll never be more honest with yourself about your feelings. You fear that you(r ego) will fade away, in some way cease to exist.
"But think about it, your fears are social – you might cease to be perceived by certain people on whose attention you depend – you fear exclusion by a social group. That could indeed happen in order to move you to a different position, but would it mean that you had fallen out of the protection of your heavenly protectors? (We talk here of souls who have consciously sought protection.) By no means no-how.
"I reiterate, nothing can happen except for good to those who are on the spiritual path – any more than the geostable relationships between the planets can alter. There are metaphysical laws of psychic forces, similar to those of physics, that hold you(r consciousness /ego /soul) in a flexible yet constant relationship to the God within you(r higher consciousness /otherness /spirit).
"Be merciful to yourself – forgive yourself! Expose your inner wounds to the healing sun. If I were to recommend making a sign, it would say Trust the process in enormous letters! The process is me manifesting in your life, but you are also manifesting in your life! That is the process – the interpenetration of ego & higher consciousness. That way matter, infused with the divine, both transforms and is transformed. As your vision is clarified so you become more conscious of multi-dimensional existence and of your true spiritual heredity.
"How, apart from these apparent crises, could you become familiar with the sub-liminal knowledge you access when 'led into temptation', ie ‘put to the test’ or proved – or learn to develop spiritual energy? We have shown you before that knowledge is never given apart from experience – that is the human way! It is from and within the experience that knowledge develops. Spiritually, your building is designed to be constantly reinforced by internal steel rods after it is built! That may occasionally be a little painful, but that is part of the experience of new birth. Respect your body, treat it as it deserves.
"Do you feel as if you’re trying to single-handedly hold back the tide? This is a dream–tide! Let it sweep over you, submerge your senses in it. It has come to tell you something."

You control your reality - by remaining true to your self

Keep the energy flowing.
Keep the reality you wish to create always in your mind.
Don’t allow your vision to become contaminated by terrestrial energies.
Testing weeds out the dross, and refines the valuable.

Steer straight by keeping your eye on the longterm goal.
Once you lose sight of it the whole landscape changes and becomes confusing.
That is one thing that really is up to you.
If you’re focused we can help you, but if you lose focus we have no way of getting throu to you except when the psychic barrier thins during times of extreme emotion – disaster or joy.
The wilderness is a place for gaining clarity.
You cause yourself to enter it when you need to strip away the accumulated psychic rubbish.
But you don’t have to if you remain constant to what you’re shown.

Trust! Trust yourSelf."

Whatever you are is right for right now, but who knows what you can become?

"Really, we could stop communicating directly in this way and just let you get on with it. You already have enough to occupy you. Indeed we sometimes wonder whether what we say may not distract you from what you’ve already been told! But it's the way of the spiritual universe to continue to grow and evolve. What is new doesn’t invalidate what has gone before, nor does it suggest that it was incomplete. What you were before was right for you then, what you are is right for you now, and what you may become will be right for your future – call it growth, or call it an appropriate response to the situation.
"Your current situation offers you the power to grow, seize the moment, don’t let it pass you by ‘ungrown’. Welcome troubles as you welcome joy. And praise, praise, dear heart, always praise! Honouring the supreme being is honouring life – honouring life is honouring your self – honouring your self is honouring the supreme being, whose nature you share."

Tests focus where you need to grow

"What is the purpose of a test? To focus your awareness on a certain area where you need to grow. Whatever emotions arise in the epicentre of the test reflect an immaturity that needs to be developed, in your case the stewardship of resources. (Concentrate, concentrate, don’t diffuse your attention) Write only what is true, don’t dip your pen in the oil of flattery for commercial advantage. Your integrity is your most valuable asset. Follow your inner leadings at all costs. Fear blocks your inner voice: perfect love casts out fear. When you understand that saying you erase time. Don’t fiddle around with inessentials. Go for the heart and don’t deviate.
What more reassurance do you want? Trust the process. Ebenezer – ‘up till now God has blest us’. Praise sets you free. Be as a stone blessing the chisel that shapes it from an unformed rock into an image to be admired for eternity.

A message from Sai Baba

O heavenly father, you are the source of all our love, lighten our hearts and teach us to praise your radiance. Sai Baba, help me to understand your role.

"Just as there is no clear division between masculinity and femininity, so there is no sharp dividing line between spirit and flesh. Most people‘s neural circuitry (given physical predisposition of the brain) is the product of their forebears’ preoccupation with worldly matters – physical survival, getting and spending, attracting love, &c. If a person can escape those concerns and realise something of the glorious morning of the spirit world s/he is in a position to conceive a child whose neural circuitry is already to some degree altered from the average. If that person, building from a higher base, develops hir own spiritual abilities hir child is in a position to continue the upward spiral of perception. It is the simple law of eugenics, to which is added the spiritual affinity of souls attracted to each other. (Anyone is always free to reject hir predisposition, but may have to face a negative consequence to hir life-path of not acknowledging hir calling.)
"Let us assume the process has continued for several generations, intentionally or by chance, at last two parents conjoin whose DNA is ready to produce the psycho-physiology into which an advanced being can step to assume an incarnation and so, like the pearl within the oyster, a person who has capacity for spiritual greatness is born. Yet even at this stage, just as an oak throws thousands of acorns to the ground in a single season, so potential ‘lights’ may be dimmed, even extinguished, by unforeseen circumstance or personal weakness.
"Those who emerge throu this sifting process are rightly revered as authentic human spirits. Yet there is still a 'threading' process, involving the purposeful refinement of karma & careful stewardship of gifts (charismata). Only to the individual whose human personality became aware of hir divine mission at or before birth and who thus understood intuitively the need for actions (karmas) to will-less & imbued by direct inspiration can the title Avatar (divine incarnation) be given. And the right to that honour can only be retained by the individual growing, without deviation, in the path shown – in fact, by following utterly and completely the leadings of hir heart.
"The heart is the organ where humans experience the interactions of spirit and materiality. Some incarnating souls, only partially entering the human plane, empower people to stand in the doorway between the worlds, drawing into the physical world unusual manifestations which are everyday occurrences in the non–material world. Those people, such as I am, have access to planes of esoteric knowledge and awareness (so long, only, as we remain faithful) that are as natural to us as swimming and flying. Perhaps you can think back, when you were young all sorts of learning seemed impossibly difficult; as you got older it seemed easy, yet ahead of you lay stuff that was really hard! Yes, well that’s how I experience it. What is abstruse to you is plain to me, and what is abstruse to me in known only to the divine power that draws us all onward in the exciting slalom of existence.
"To anyone who thinks this knowledge may be gained by study, I say throw away every book and start listening to your heart. If you will just allow yourself to be whatever you are at this moment –uncertain, grief-stricken, joyful, harrast, afraid, speedy– if you will allow yourself to be absolutely what you are feeling (yes my friend, I mean you Mr Writer!) you will step throu into a world of possibilities where your heart (ie, love) can rule – then ‘awareness’ comes. At that point you may want to compare your experiences with those of others who have gone before.
"The problem with reading books is that you can hardly avoid clinging to what you’re told, as if it were a normative experience. I want each and every one of you to follow your own path, and to learn to hear your own inner voice (your true guru/teaher); that is strength.
"If you’re reading this, and feeling like a seedling just pushing thru the earth, you must seek nurture, place yourself under a gardener who will regulate the amount of light and water you need. Of course you can do it by yourself, but isn’t it more fun with others? Only to those with a specific calling is it given to hatch out spiritually and then to have to crawl like eels across alien territory to unknown waters for fulfillment.
"Have fun. Be! Don’t strive. That is my message. Thank you for asking."

In the journal where I wrote this I noted that the same day the bank cut off my credit, but later agreed to an extension of my borrowing to fund CataList, the magazine I was publishing at the time. From this point forward this switchback pattern (of dazzling growth in my spirituality, accompanied by tremendous shocks in my materiality!) succeeded ultimately in loosening the stranglehold my ego had over my soul. I say this so that anyone led here may take comfort from the knowledge that we do survive these difficult times in our lives and emerge enriched.
How wisely the Lord's Prayer recommends we ask 'lead us not into temptation' – testing: even tho it is, ultimately, an unavoidable passage on the route to spiritual maturity.

I require nothing of you except love

"I require nothing of you except love. Why I say you should live each day at a time, is because if you plan, your brain spins off on its own trajectory. Its not that it's morally wrong, it's just that you thereby lose contact with the wellsprings of your personality. You can’t respond honestly with joy, sadness, uncertainty, or change plan suddenly when new factors enter the picture, because all your planning would go awry – and you ‘can’t afford' that. How happy if you can make your work your source of praise. Don’t let your occupation be a curse or a millstone. Surrender it to me, and let me use it for my purposes. You may be a soldier, or work in the meat trade, it doesn’t matter. No matter what you do, you shouldn’t move until I lead you (if it's already happening you’ll know). I can help you learn better and faster in an adverse situation than in a smooth and favourable one.
"The key to change is praise. PRAISE – honouring your connection with the one-ness! Shout it from the rooftops.
"Praise lightens everything, your burdens, the atmosphere, your friendships. And light spreads light contagiously till everything is a riot of colour and de–light. And from that grows the richest fruit – love. That is how you can recognise the truly enlightened – they love; and spread love around as an apple tree showers apples on the earth. You can't help it, love buds from your branches when it is spring, glistens on your boughs when in flower, aches all over your body when it is summer, and falls into the waiting hands of a hungry world when the harvest–time comes.
"Don’t ask when it'll be time for harvest – it already is. As deep as your roots so high shall be your tree, and all the birds of air shall come and make their habitation therein. BE. Don’t seek. Think of the connecting eyes revolving around the throne: praise > light > love >> praise …"

What are tests actually about?

"It is a test. But like all tests, the subject is not the practical issue in question but that of your learning to discern & rely on my strength, not your own."

Vision

I am the servant of God:
I do whatever S/He wills:
I focus on realising Hir will for me.

"You mustn’t go on seeking to hide behind other things or people.
Acknowledge your self. Ask for your self. Stick at it. Don’t be afraid to walk out on the stage.
Go slower to go faster. Go because you’re empowered."

The wall

"Don’t beat about the bush, strike out for the heart. When you were working in other mediums you were making allegories, now you’re telling it straight. Leap off the cliff. Trust. The process that brought you to this point isn’t going to abandon you, unless you abandon it.
"Do you see how your perception has changed? At first you saw the learning in terms of light, now you see that the light points towards love. Light enters throu the eyes and illuminates the brain, but love enters throu the heart and enflames the body. When love has consumed the body it is free to fly. Don’t seek explanations, they won't make sense. Just accept the flow. Have fun now. If you can learn to keep your eye on the ball – if you can come throu this we‘ll be more able to use you.
"In sports training you reach a point they call 'the wall'. You seem to reach your physical limits, but you must press on if you're to compete in the Finals. In the psychic world it's the same – only when, on reaching your limit (the bitter end!), you then 'allow' your self to lead can you pass throu the apparent barriers & so enter the glorious liberty of the children of god, the freedom from a 'reality' boundaried by materialistic considerations – the one where you know that your imagination creates the world around you."

This came at a time when I was resuming publication of my magazine without the safety-net of a publisher.

Affirmation

I am called by love, inspired by love, full–filled by love.
I am a vessel of love in the world, giving freely what I have received.
Love is my whole being – and what I feel is love.
God is love – I am love.

Going beyond your limits

"To exceed your self you would have to step outside your own control system – to allow the elemental forces of your psyche to work throu you without restriction. That would be so-o-o scary. You'd get where you really want to go in double-quick, but it would be a roller-coaster ride. If you think you can hold onto your faith in what you really want throu this, do it. "Everything will appear to go wrong, fall apart, even the dream itself may appear to wither: BUT if you hold your faith a fabulous new harmonious reality will ultimately form, purged of all that made your previous situation unsustainable. And you will rejoice as you have never known rejoicing.
"Paying close attention to the interaction between your inner & outer worlds is the key. Hold to your inner vision even when there are powerful reasons to doubt – not clutching it obsessively, but in a warm reactive relationship dialog."

The narrow path is quickest in the long run

"What discomfort you gave yourself by deviating from what you knew to be right. You wanted to learn? Learn you did.
"Now then, the straight and narrow path … Imagine a tube with yourself as a ball – the straighter and narrower you are the quicker you reach your destination – but the more you yaw and veer the longer your journey. Taking an 'easy' route can allow your pathway to become so wide it /you lose coherence, and your ball may end bouncing /ricocheting /spinning so that it loses the way or comes to a halt.
"Increase your realisation that nothing matters more than hearing my voice. Surrender control of your intellect. How wise you would be if you listened to your own advice!!"

*The darkness before the dawn is the womb that yearns to create

"In everything there’s a lesson. The lesson isn’t designed to make life easier, harder, better or worse. It’s designed to increase your wisdom (balance). When the unawakened human intellect seeks to define itself it differentiates things & experiences into categories. But this isn’t the way holistic consciousness works. Of course you need to make sense of the experiences surrounding you – but you should try to do so inclusively, not by focusing on a tiny area of knowledge and excluding everything else. At first the all-ness of everything swamps your awareness, and holding one part steady when all is in motion can be a real ordeal – but then slowly it dawns on you that everything is meant to be in motion. And you discover that the only way you can only make a contribution is by joining in the dance, and so balancing and coordinating your own motions as a dancer within the all-ness of everything."

In The Grail Legend (p133) Emma Jung & Marie-Louise von Franz express a similar idea
> In the dreams and fantasy pictures of modern man this hidden, invisible something is occasionally depicted as a meaningful and numinous void. Thcre is one picture in which an egg-shaped void, from which rays stream forth, forms the centre of a world or of a mandala with an empty centre. The words of Meister Eckhart beautifully express what is meant by this image: "Everything must be lost, the soul must exist in unhampered nothingness," or "Whosoever would come to God must come as nothiug." Or, expressed in Eastern imagery: "In the purple hall of the city of jade dwells the God of Utmost Emptiness and Life." The Confucians call it "the centre of the void:' A nothingness, a void, is therefore the inescapable condition for the emergence of the Self. The outer and inner realizations of a life lived to its end. For this reason Jung has likened it to the "crystal lattice' present as a potential form in a solution which first becomes visible in the process of crystallization, although crystallization does not necessarily take place. The Self is therefore not complete. but is prescnt in us as a potentiality which can become manifest only in the course of a specific process. Certainly, the Self is not invariably realized through the unfolding of the natural biological life processes. There appear to be many lives where this does not come to pass.
> Then how and by what means can thc Self become manifest? It is realized to that extent in which it is lived in the experience of daily life. It is not achieved, however, when it appears in symbolic form in dreams and inner images, nor is it when consciousness acquires a specific degree of clarity, nor yet when a psychological function has attained a high degree of differentiation. Important as consciousness undoubtedly is—and rightly utilized consciousness is an invaluable means of help for the realization of the Self—it is not by itself the determining factor. For it does not depend so very greatly on knowledge and ability or upon some degree of intelligence, but rather upon the use which is made of these attributes and above all, on the psychic attitude a person adopts in the face of the various circumstances of his life and fate. As the threads of fabric are woven into a pattern, so the Self as the living garment of divinity is woven out of the many decisions and crises, in themselves possibly insignificant, by which we are affected in the course of our lives. Such occasions present themselves at every level of life and intelligence and in every milieu. Whether or not they lead to a manifestation of the Self depends solely on our own response. Many of us have observed that children, even small children, when faced with some difficulty, possess an attitude which many adults could only envy. That "something," the lack of which we experience as soullessness, is a "someone" who takes a position, who is accountable and who feels committed. Where this higher, responsible ego is lacking there can be no Self. Ethos and the Self are therefore mutually interdependent. For this reason, too, an attitude of "beyond good and evil;' such as has been commended in many quarters in modern times and especially since Nietzsche, is the best way to prevent the emergence of the Self.
> From the foregoing we can see that a fascination can emanate from something empty. It longs for completion like an invisible form which calls out for substance; the individual is conscious of the existence of this summons and of the growth of this attraction, but without knowing what it is that calls to him. The influence , emanating from the hidden Grail could be likened to such a summons.

Create your own reality - be harmless. La Grotte de Rouffignac

"Perfect stillness is not the human’s natural state. It’s a gift, given yet earned, from the same source as peace. On one level it’s a withdrawal from activity, but on another it’s an engagement with all that is.
"For everyone different issues emerge every hour of the day: the active person responds with further activity – thereby ensuring a karmatic sequel: the peaceable person first examines whether hir involvement is desirable.
"A person who looks only at exteriors decides whether to become involved on the basis of what is attractive: but you must look at the heart, and offer only what help is appropriate to the heart.
"The world grows & unfolds throu each person. Let yours be a balanced contribution, that best moves forwards the interconnected situations of which you are the centre.
"What to do when someone means you harm? Best is to walk away rather than compound the other’s negativity. Have you been wronged, or cheated of money? Your currency allows you to gain what the cheat loses. Not all rich people are cheats, but don’t envy their physical comfort. You already have, if you choose to claim it, far greater assurance than the rich ever acquire. If you continue to be preoccupied by earth matters, you’ll never grow to Heaven.
You can create your own reality. You can create peace or war; greed or cooperation; excess, sufficiency or revival – choose which world you wish to inhabit."

> Right at the point where the publisher had pulled out of my fledgling magazine CataList & given me the whole set-up, & I was mulling over whether I should /could continue, my wife was designing a production of Purcell's The Fairy Queen at Aix-en-Provence. So I & the family went there & then holidayed in a cottage on the Loire. During this latter period I took myself off for a day alone.
> I let myself drift & ended up at the Grotte de Rouffignac. This is a 'throat' opening from the underworld, a natural cave which descends slowly over about a km. The floor is formed of petrified mud from the first ice age, & is cratered by mammoth hibernation pods (as shown).
> In 1956 animal carvings were discovered at the extremity of the cave in a space where the 'tongue' of rock-like mud almost reaches the roof. Now, after substantial excavation one can stand & view these carvings (which are by no means as clear the photo suggests) spread out randomly all over the roof. Parties descend in a little electric train, which takes about 20'. Banal as this might seem, nothing can detract from the numen of the place.
> For me, alone in a throng of holiday-makers, this was as profound a spiritual experience as it must have been for those who made the perilous descent over the vertiginous floor in total darkness millennia previously. It must then have taken a good day each way & I cannot believe they would have had a means of sustaining light. My sense was that the descent & carving could have been a rite of passage for young men in which they attuned to /at-one-d with the spirit of their prey. Led by elders, whose knowledge of a safe route over the pothole-strewn floor must have been a source of authority, they would have arrived at the end & as part of some arduous ceremony someone would have created one of these extraordinarily realistic images of their 'life source' lying flat on his back in a claustrophobic opening barely large enough to wield the graving tool – which, the 'graduates' would have been invited in singly to trace with their fingers & engage with some mystical act of union before returning to the light as 'made men' of the tribe.
> When I came out blinking & transformed after just an hour, my car had been broken into & my beloved Minolta stolen. The police caught the thief, who was without a car to leave the remote hillside!! It turned out that he had only been released from prison the day before, & so I had to spend the afternoon in a Gendarmerie filling out forms while they gloated on their success … tho I never got my camera back.

Dig deep for the still water

You and me together: that‘s all it takes. No grand designs. Dig deep for the still water. Allow it to rise slowly to the surface. Don’t boast of your strength, you’ve been given it for a purpose, use it with respect for yourself and toward others.

Stillness is at the heart of it

"Just sitting still, and being still is so important. If you would focalise the great enterprise you dream of, you’ve always got to be half outside it. Time off is never wasted. You may value yourself according to how much you get done: we value you according to how you are. Time & resources can never run out for the person who is on the path of life. There may be tricky periods, but these are growth periods. Don’t worry or feel you wont be supported because you may make errors of judgment. Your higher self is simply leading you into a growth area. Ultimately, what matters more – pleasing others, or growing towards your personal destiny?
Don’t think of yourself as a machine: you’re a person, with all the rights that that implies.
Be easy on yourself, you’ll accomplish nothing extra by being tough.
In the transformation of your will, you must retain a sense of purpose while detaching yourself from the need to produce results.

Go: grow. Love: live. Obey: overcome

Go for it

"Yes, yes, leap! Know that the bad experiences are just as important to your growth as the good ones. Nothing inappropriate can happen to you. Fly as only those who truly know the laws of gravity can."

Swim in the warm currents of love.

"Aren’t you excited? So many opportunities for growth … but only if you don’t try.
You’re struggling again. Striving for results.
'Results' will defeat you every time, and turn to powder under your hand. Just follow each step as it appears. Let others have the grand design. Don’t be psyched into running with the pack. Concentrate on bringing love into the situation where you are. And we do mean love in its fullest sense; that is to say you need to feel love physically even if you don’t make sexual display. For the advanced soul it should not be targeted sexually upon individuals, but transmitted as a feeling, an atmosphere for all to experience – just as the warmth of the pool aids swimming, and the superiority of the piano promotes music–making. Take a lesson from nightclubs or places of popular resort where the unawakened expect to find love of a materialistic kind.
Be open. Let your openness be your defence. Grow! Feel the air against your wings. Leap off into the great freedom of the skies. Swim in the warm currents of love."

You're luckier than you know

"You don’t know how lucky you are. You could enjoy these moments of freefall; but no, worry, worry, worry! Why won't you accept the gifts you’re given? What you do have to do is to stay minutely attentive. Remember where the source is and stay connected."


> What's interesting to me, reviewing these messages as I upload them 15 years later, is that for all my terror of imminent dissolution & disgrace we survived. Yes, our family ship went throu a tremendous tornado – yes, we did eventually lose our house (tho not without the extraordinary intervention of Sai Baba whereby we received £13,000 more than our asking price, which exactly covered the losses CataList had by then clocked up!) BUT we bought another, cheaper house in the country where we have been far happier, and where I have been able to develop a teaching which brought me great joy – and now brings me to the point of planning a new music publishing venture, with all these lessons onboard.
> I am still married to the same wife & my children don't hate me (I think). So if you're reading this at a point of personal turmoil take personal encouragement that sometimes these storms are necessary to break you out of an existence you have outgrown, but may be finding hard to let drop.

Feelings are what is paramount for you at this present time

"The small craft voyaging over the ocean must follow either a chart or the captain‘s instinct. If the skipper is solely concerned with hir terrestrial occupation s/he’ll pore over the maps, and so by science deliver the vessel to its haven. But if you want an organic experience of the sea then accepting the danger and fear of non-arrival is a key part of learning to feel the contour of the ocean.
"Feelings are what is paramount for you at this present time. Your senses make sense of your experience. This doesn’t mean you need to surrender your emotions to them – rather that each should be balanced with the other so that any element can help to absorb a deficit in another.
Stick to the inner core of truth at all costs, for that is the navigation system that will bring you at last to that fabled port which all seek, and from which noone need depart again.
"Don’t imagine that you’re there when you’re only sleep becalmed, riding at sea–anchor. Until you dock, be always alert. There are storms which cannot always be avoided, and people with power to harm or mislead the unwary. Don’t be deflected. Try to form an accurate awareness of your 'ship's' capacities, and if you join a flottila, join one that is going at the right pace for you; lest misunderstandings and misdirections arise. If water, food or fuel run low, then use all your inner energies to draw more to you. Love is the fuel, a self–generating, self–renewing, non–polluting energy source."