You're luckier than you know

"You don’t know how lucky you are. You could enjoy these moments of freefall; but no, worry, worry, worry! Why won't you accept the gifts you’re given? What you do have to do is to stay minutely attentive. Remember where the source is and stay connected."

> What's interesting to me, reviewing these messages as I upload them 15 years later, is that for all my terror of imminent dissolution & disgrace we survived. Yes, our family ship went throu a tremendous tornado – yes, we did eventually lose our house (tho not without the extraordinary intervention of Sai Baba whereby we received £13,000 more than our asking price, which exactly covered the losses CataList had by then clocked up!) BUT we bought another, cheaper house in the country where we have been far happier, and where I have been able to develop a teaching which brought me great joy – and now brings me to the point of planning a new music publishing venture, with all these lessons onboard.
> I am still married to the same wife & my children don't hate me (I think). So if you're reading this at a point of personal turmoil take personal encouragement that sometimes these storms are necessary to break you out of an existence you have outgrown, but may be finding hard to let drop.


Feelings are what is paramount for you at this present time

"The small craft voyaging over the ocean must follow either a chart or the captain‘s instinct. If the skipper is solely concerned with hir terrestrial occupation s/he’ll pore over the maps, and so by science deliver the vessel to its haven. But if you want an organic experience of the sea then accepting the danger and fear of non-arrival is a key part of learning to feel the contour of the ocean.
"Feelings are what is paramount for you at this present time. Your senses make sense of your experience. This doesn’t mean you need to surrender your emotions to them – rather that each should be balanced with the other so that any element can help to absorb a deficit in another.
Stick to the inner core of truth at all costs, for that is the navigation system that will bring you at last to that fabled port which all seek, and from which noone need depart again.
"Don’t imagine that you’re there when you’re only sleep becalmed, riding at sea–anchor. Until you dock, be always alert. There are storms which cannot always be avoided, and people with power to harm or mislead the unwary. Don’t be deflected. Try to form an accurate awareness of your 'ship's' capacities, and if you join a flottila, join one that is going at the right pace for you; lest misunderstandings and misdirections arise. If water, food or fuel run low, then use all your inner energies to draw more to you. Love is the fuel, a self–generating, self–renewing, non–polluting energy source."


You're valuable - accept & enjoy

"You’re just as valuable to us, even when you’re not feeling valuable. Everyone has a function. Everyone belongs. When you’re in a caring family relationship you no longer question – it seems natural. Even if there are ups and downs you still accept the relationships.
"So it is for you. Altho your feelings may define your perception, the reality of the interrelationships between you and existence remains unaltered. Accept and enjoy."


Be constantly aware of walking in love

"It would have been good to get that letter sent yesterday, but you did what you could. So do it tomorrow. You write in the dark: so others can read in the light.* Therefore they underestimate the problems, but like all pioneers you have your own satisfaction. Sure, the cards are stacked against you, but you know better than to be daunted by external appearances. What will you do?
Be constantly aware of walking in love. — Yes, and earnestly."

* A reference to the fact that all these pieces would come to me during semi-waking in the dark.


What gives the greatest opportunity for growth? Problems.

"Turn your life on its ear. Cease to look at survival: look at growth potential. What gives the greatest opportunity for growth? Problems. Don’t struggle, go calmly to the eye of the storm, and rest there. Let your eye be single.
"Have you been dogged by a recurrent problem? Not until you admit it openly for the gift it is, can you expect to overcome it – and then you may not want to! Love, not ambition, is the key to progress."


A step at a time

"What is the point of our communicating if you don’t listen?
"You think this is all about finding money – avoiding the embarrassment of your peers. It isn’t – its about the kingdom of God. You are a messenger – a rare role given to few, for the needs of every epoch are unique. All is well. Allow the process to unfold. Don’t hamper it with your mind. A step at a time – no planning! Remember I AM with you. Don’t concern yourself with minutiƦ, you have excellent people for that.
"Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if we told you what the path was? & why don’t we? Because with your temperament you’d immediately start planning. You must try and resist ‘knowing’. Stand firm in your own voice. Toughen your surface. Just attend to your inner voice. You speak for us – isn’t that enough of a privilege? Just keep following – simply a step at a time."


In humiliation we see the stars

"Well, well, you find it easier to hear my voice when you’re down. Is that why you bring yourself down? Why not practise keeping on a level keel? Live within your inheritance. Don’t judge yourself.
"You’ve got to put some real energy into solving this problem.* You’re well able to do it. Just get up from your comfy chair and draw down the solution. Why do you think the problem‘s been given to you?
"What is your next step? Then take it. Pay no heed to whatever may follow."

* See other posts (10&19/7/92)


Turmoil & Topaz

"Yet of all things Love is the most precious, compared to topaz. This is your message for the magazine.* Don’t worry about knowledge, just keep pegging away at this. Have one article in each edition about love and you can’t fail. Practise love in your life too. Don’t work out what things mean or what is the best move, just ask act in love.
"Follow up more about crystals. They’re extremely important, expressing inner, hidden, truths. Don’t ask questions; still your mind. It doesn’t matter what you agree with [the publisher] – it will be irrelevant. Just don’t step beyond your faith. You can have anything you want, but keep a sense of proportion. Reality. It is your energies that draw things into existence. Don’t step beyond your faith, or you will test yourself to destruction. Concentrate – don’t diffuse your mind. Try and carry one thought at a time to some sort of conclusion(!)
"We in the spiritual realm are well able to help you – and you can attend to our voice. That’s why you’re right not to take artificial stimulants. Natural ones are okay. Your body will pass throu walls easily when it/you need to. Remember … Respect any forum where love rules. Don’t ask. Just go – do as your inner prompting suggests. Don’t empire-build – don’t plan.
A step at a time, remember.

"… That’s alright, you can go back to sleep now. I needed to wake shake you up a bit – hence the accident.** Nothing is ever ‘wrong’, it's for a purpose – to shift you to higher ground."

* Re-reading this in 2006 I googled topaz & was amazed to find that it is a November birthstone. I had no idea – I am a scorpio!
> At the time I was editing & publishing a fortnightly magazine called CataList which was being financed by a well-known specialist publisher. The concept of a new age listings /networking magazine had been conceived while I was at Findhorn in 12/91, following my resignation from the the Junior Royal College of Music. This must have been around our second issue, when I found out that we had very divergent ideas about what 'new age' meant in editorial terms. Whereas I had assumed that the owner's interest in the subject was ethical, I discovered the hard way that all he was interested was selling to air-heads who wanted to party! This ultimately led him to pull the plug on the venture, tho he very decently gave me the whole thing, including the computers he had bought, to carry on.
> We had a staff of 3 & operated from the basement of the family home in Peckham, S London. Carry the whole enterprise, as it were on one leg, led to incredible levels of stress – hence the injunction to follow throu one thought at a time. I was desperate to keep going & find a source of funding to underwrite our development. I didn't, but we continued anyway for about another year until 2 events occurred whose conjunction knocked the other leg from under me!
> CataList was, tho I say it myself, an excellent concept – but alas about 5-10 years before its time. I have realised subsequently that what I had conceived really required the web in order to work. To make it the printed hub of a network as I envisaged in the days when the web was fundamentally a medium for text-only email (dial-up modems were 1200baud!) on a fortnightly, or even monthly, turnaround would have demanded full commercial production, with appropriate staffing levels & production values that were far beyond our capital base – or indeed my experience.
> It's salutory to be reminded of this (in o1/06) & the need to create a clear & viable thought-form as I contemplate a music publishing enterprise. I certainly wouldn't want to go throu the CataList experience all over again!

** I've no idea what this was, it could have been as trivial as knocking over some water beside my bed. The guidance recorded on this blog has generally come to me in the very early morning, before I'm awake. It must have begun, I think, while I was writing my play The Watcher in the Rain in 1989/90. I would wake extremely early with a clear idea of what scene needed to be written & broadly how, and would then go down & compose it (on my Amstrad PCW!). I suppose, because I can't remember, that that quite-specific kind of 'inspiration' gave way to this more profound ethical insight /guidance.
> I'm quite at ease with the idea that actually this all originates inside our selves but, to me, all this shows us is how limitless what is inside us actually is.