> I guess I must have asked how long the torture of my uncertainty /falling would continue?
"Until there is no flesh and blood, just a living shell resonating.
Music holds out its hands and very simply asks for help."
1994/07/01
Believe in the reality you want to create
"Be still, don’t let your ego get involved. Abstain from drinking. Begin to live as your highest self aspires to.
Sad heart, faint heart, look up, look up! You are my love, you are my passionate beating heart. You are my greatest joy in creation. I delight in noone more than you. Don’t despair, let go mourning, release yourself into the glorious sunlight. You carry your fate in your hands – why lug around a dark suitcase of horrors? Let those who want horror live with it - we are children of the dawn. Let us live as befits the heirs of light.
O sorely tested one, release your desires, your yearning for circumstances beyond your control. Allow your transformation to begin. To you who cry ‘will it ever be morning?’ I say look at me in love – look at the darkness, stare intently at the forms that throng around you. Because you’re insisting it’s night you can’t see the helpers that surround you: but the world you experience is simply the one you believe exists.
Do you feel darkness? You are darkness.
Do you feel light? You are light.
If you feel in two minds how can you act coherently? – I say to you one word, one word which changes dark to light, heaviness to joy, emptiness to fulfilment – PRAISE. Praise what? Anything - yes, even your self, just honour the godness of goodhead ...
Just let the form of the praise come forth from you as naturally as a nightingale’s song."
> This must have been just after returning from Sai Baba - an extraordinary light-filled episode, that was followed by the chaos of moving house on return home.
Sad heart, faint heart, look up, look up! You are my love, you are my passionate beating heart. You are my greatest joy in creation. I delight in noone more than you. Don’t despair, let go mourning, release yourself into the glorious sunlight. You carry your fate in your hands – why lug around a dark suitcase of horrors? Let those who want horror live with it - we are children of the dawn. Let us live as befits the heirs of light.
O sorely tested one, release your desires, your yearning for circumstances beyond your control. Allow your transformation to begin. To you who cry ‘will it ever be morning?’ I say look at me in love – look at the darkness, stare intently at the forms that throng around you. Because you’re insisting it’s night you can’t see the helpers that surround you: but the world you experience is simply the one you believe exists.
Do you feel darkness? You are darkness.
Do you feel light? You are light.
If you feel in two minds how can you act coherently? – I say to you one word, one word which changes dark to light, heaviness to joy, emptiness to fulfilment – PRAISE. Praise what? Anything - yes, even your self, just honour the godness of goodhead ...
Just let the form of the praise come forth from you as naturally as a nightingale’s song."
> This must have been just after returning from Sai Baba - an extraordinary light-filled episode, that was followed by the chaos of moving house on return home.
1994/06/27
Keep Faith
Prior to Sai Baba visit
"It’s still your ego. You’re still thinking you’re a teacher of some kind. But you’re a follower – a follower of mine."
> Subsequent events were, beyond question, miraculous.
We were having to sell our London house as a result of losing around £14k on publishing CataList. Not only did a sudden bidding war between buyers raise the price to £13500 above our asking price, but the people who bought the house were willing to give us 4 months to move.
I had been i/v for a job in BBC Religion. I didn't get it but the head of the unit was very interested in the pilgrimage I hoped to make to Sai Baba & wanted to commission me to make a radio doc about it.
The only problem was that having found a house in the country, our bank was refusing to agree a lower mortgage on the new house - despite being willing to continue the higher mortgage if we stayed put. As matters stood we would have had to move almost immediately on my return, so packing up the house fell largely to my wife - which didnt enchant her. What enchanted her even less was the prospect of my leaving for India with this unresolved. I tried everything possible in the week prior to my Saturday departure.
On Friday I spent as much of the day in prayer as I could. But despite several calls to the bank I couldnt persuade them to change their minds. I really didnt know what to do. I felt I was supposed to go, but obviously I couldn't if this wasn't fixed. By about 6.30 I was in despair, the banking day had finished. Then came a phone call – a supervisor had been 'checking our figures' & found that his staff had made an 'error': he was approving the loan.
Sai Ram.
"It’s still your ego. You’re still thinking you’re a teacher of some kind. But you’re a follower – a follower of mine."
> Subsequent events were, beyond question, miraculous.
We were having to sell our London house as a result of losing around £14k on publishing CataList. Not only did a sudden bidding war between buyers raise the price to £13500 above our asking price, but the people who bought the house were willing to give us 4 months to move.
I had been i/v for a job in BBC Religion. I didn't get it but the head of the unit was very interested in the pilgrimage I hoped to make to Sai Baba & wanted to commission me to make a radio doc about it.
The only problem was that having found a house in the country, our bank was refusing to agree a lower mortgage on the new house - despite being willing to continue the higher mortgage if we stayed put. As matters stood we would have had to move almost immediately on my return, so packing up the house fell largely to my wife - which didnt enchant her. What enchanted her even less was the prospect of my leaving for India with this unresolved. I tried everything possible in the week prior to my Saturday departure.
On Friday I spent as much of the day in prayer as I could. But despite several calls to the bank I couldnt persuade them to change their minds. I really didnt know what to do. I felt I was supposed to go, but obviously I couldn't if this wasn't fixed. By about 6.30 I was in despair, the banking day had finished. Then came a phone call – a supervisor had been 'checking our figures' & found that his staff had made an 'error': he was approving the loan.
Sai Ram.
1994/03/28
1994/03/14
Balance Being & Doing
"The balance between doing and being is always a hard one to maintain.
To be aware that a problem exists is to be a long way towards resolving it.
You may need that knife edge – it may be the best teacher for balancing inner and outer consciousness.
Everyone has a different path – and each person's path creates its own energy.
Be still and know that I AM."
To be aware that a problem exists is to be a long way towards resolving it.
You may need that knife edge – it may be the best teacher for balancing inner and outer consciousness.
Everyone has a different path – and each person's path creates its own energy.
Be still and know that I AM."
1994/02/08
Falling is how you reach your natural depth
"If you will accept our timing we promise you the realisation of your heart’s deepest dreams. If you panic and skeeter to the surface now, then this will be as deep as you get. Don't you want the whole number? You can't know how things are designed to fit together – it's in order to discover & align yourself with that higher purpose that that you have committed yourself to this process. Trust it – now, as never before. There are helpers whose vibrations surround you, and which you can access if you will slow down sufficiently. Slowing /falling feels scary – but it's an essential phase in the process. It could take years, but we promise you one thing: the results will be worth it. They'll so far exceed everything you had in the past you'll look back & wonder how you stood your former life for so long! The pace of your inward opening is controlled subconsciously by your willingness to be open."
1994/02/01
1994/01/01
Gyrostabilization
"You are never so far up or so far down as you perceive.
Balance works vertically as well as horizontally.
BE – I/we can never repeat that too often. BE, allow, flow.
‘Whatever lies under thy hand to do, do it with all thy might.’"
Balance works vertically as well as horizontally.
BE – I/we can never repeat that too often. BE, allow, flow.
‘Whatever lies under thy hand to do, do it with all thy might.’"
1993/12/06
Grace
> In every way I seem to be stuck, spiritually, financially.
"Look back over your life. How has grace come to you? It cannot be commanded."
> How can I experience Divine Grace, I am in despair.
"Divine Grace is all around you. Allow it to come to you – be sure not to repel it throu your own feelings of unworthiness. That is why we repeatedly urge you simply to allow. If you are on a sandbank, wait for the tide, struggling will do no good.
Remember, all desire the light – even those with impaired vision.
Spread outwards what you hope to receive. Create an environment that feels like what you want. Put love at the heart. Hold firm to your vision and use your prayer to me like a rudder to steer you with the current."
"Look back over your life. How has grace come to you? It cannot be commanded."
> How can I experience Divine Grace, I am in despair.
"Divine Grace is all around you. Allow it to come to you – be sure not to repel it throu your own feelings of unworthiness. That is why we repeatedly urge you simply to allow. If you are on a sandbank, wait for the tide, struggling will do no good.
Remember, all desire the light – even those with impaired vision.
Spread outwards what you hope to receive. Create an environment that feels like what you want. Put love at the heart. Hold firm to your vision and use your prayer to me like a rudder to steer you with the current."
1993/12/01
You are a co-creator of the universe
"Spread outwards what you hope to receive. Create an environment that feels like what you want. Put love at the heart. Hold firm to your vision and use your prayer to me like a rudder to steer you throu the current.
Trust that the path by which you are led is the only one that goes to the place you want to get to. But, you must constantly energise and reenergise that reality. That is your right and your privilege as a co-creator of the universe."
Trust that the path by which you are led is the only one that goes to the place you want to get to. But, you must constantly energise and reenergise that reality. That is your right and your privilege as a co-creator of the universe."
1993/11/21
Dream Prayer 1
In darkness is the light.
In the unseen, the form of what is to be.
Love blooms in a stony wasteland as well as in a garden -
So God fills every heart held hollow for hir.
In fear, the gift to know your self.
In pain, an infinite resource of power.
Sorrow colours the night sky with a rainbow
since the dream-time world defines every waking action.
O you, my helper in the light,
draw me from the disharmony of illusion
to the consonance of a reality that
empowers my own existence as it enables others.
Love blooms in a stony wasteland as well as in a garden -
So God fills every heart held hollow for hir.
In fear, the gift to know your self.
In pain, an infinite resource of power.
Sorrow colours the night sky with a rainbow
since the dream-time world defines every waking action.
O you, my helper in the light,
draw me from the disharmony of illusion
to the consonance of a reality that
empowers my own existence as it enables others.
1993/11/15
Sai Baba
> Help, Sai Baba, help! I want to come to see you, but I can't unless you fund me.
"Be at peace. Allow. Follow."
> mirabile dictu, I was funded to visit Sai Baba by the BBC the following year!
"Be at peace. Allow. Follow."
> mirabile dictu, I was funded to visit Sai Baba by the BBC the following year!
1993/11/14
Words & meanings
"An airport in no way represents the totality of a city or country. It is a convenient entry point, a place where you touch down. Only upon leaving it can you discover what the country you’re visiting is really like. Words bear the same relationship to religious understanding – they’re a fine entry point but soon you must leave them and voyage into the unknown, trusting the maps you have acquired. Not all maps are perfectly accurate, but nobody bothers to make one that is hopelessly wrong. You can, indeed must, trust what others have recorded about the routes you can follow – otherwise you can easily get lost and have to retrace your steps to begin all over again. But to see words as synonymous with meaning is like not seeing the 90% of an iceberg beneath the surface of the water."
1993/11/11
Love changes the landscape
"When you can do nothing else, concentrate on love. Try -even when it’s hard- to realise you are surrounded by love. Use your energy to send out love as much as possible, especially to those you imagine are opposed to you. Do not look for the current situation to be dramatically altered by your love (tho it might be) but expect that love, if applied diligently, will create a new situation where the constraints that currently bind you will be loosed."
1993/11/08
Straining
"You cannot fall because there is no downwards in the spiritual life – just as you cannot rise because there is no upwards. Neither can you grow or diminish. You are entire.
Progress derives from resolution, from resolving contradictions in your personality.
As you do so you slip throu the nets that restrict those enmeshed in coarseness or anger.
This straining process ultimately releases you from all earthiness into a being of the purest spirit.
That is your reward for all the trials, that is what your testing is for."
Progress derives from resolution, from resolving contradictions in your personality.
As you do so you slip throu the nets that restrict those enmeshed in coarseness or anger.
This straining process ultimately releases you from all earthiness into a being of the purest spirit.
That is your reward for all the trials, that is what your testing is for."
1993/11/02
Hurry = Worry
A river takes millennia to carve its course – a tree several hundred years – you have taken decades to reach where you are now. Hurry = worry. Whatever is made well is made slowly.
1993/10/25
Trust is the natural order
"The river doesn’t need to know it is traveling to the ocean. It is simply 'doing what comes naturally'. It can do no other – it 'trusts' its guidance, gravity. The same trust upholds you. The river cannot choose, it is not in its nature, but you can choose – either to follow the natural contours of your life, the flow towards the ocean which is the immergence of your ego in the cosmic unity, or you can strive to impose your own plans on your life. God respects both, but one outlasts the other by millennia. Use trust as your guide and yardstick as you slowly assume focus on this great journey."
1993/10/21
Atma - Brahma
"We, the Gods, surround you. If you would understand us, understand your self. You are different from us in only one respect – you have a body.
"Let us explain: Perhaps you have seen the letter A on a screen with the image repeated so it appears to stretch three-dimensionally in space? If you are the foreground A (the A that you see first) we are the intermediate AAs which diminish from your perspective until they reach infinity.
"Now think of it the other way round. Imagine you are looking from infinity towards your self. Infinity is no longer minuscule. You now see the function of the intervening hierarchy of AAs connecting what you previously thought remote to the human perspective.
"Infinity (the ever-evolving Godhead, Brahma) and manifestation (you, Atma) hang together as easily as either end of an expandable decoration. But neither end would make sense were it not for the middle which connects them, just as they are the logical extension of the middle. In ‘the real world’, that is the unseen world, the intervening links are necessary to step down the blazing infinity of power which fuels the universe to levels that can be handled by you. Electricity is still electricity, whether calculated in gigawatts at a power station or microwatts in a torch.
"If you want to understand further, relax your mind – Imagine you are in your favourite bit of countryside on a beautiful day after a good lunch – You are content. Under these circumstances your mind is free to explore anything without needing to know. Knowledge for its own sake is almost always harmful. In the spiritual life, experience /undergoing precedes revelation."
"Let us explain: Perhaps you have seen the letter A on a screen with the image repeated so it appears to stretch three-dimensionally in space? If you are the foreground A (the A that you see first) we are the intermediate AAs which diminish from your perspective until they reach infinity.
"Now think of it the other way round. Imagine you are looking from infinity towards your self. Infinity is no longer minuscule. You now see the function of the intervening hierarchy of AAs connecting what you previously thought remote to the human perspective.
"Infinity (the ever-evolving Godhead, Brahma) and manifestation (you, Atma) hang together as easily as either end of an expandable decoration. But neither end would make sense were it not for the middle which connects them, just as they are the logical extension of the middle. In ‘the real world’, that is the unseen world, the intervening links are necessary to step down the blazing infinity of power which fuels the universe to levels that can be handled by you. Electricity is still electricity, whether calculated in gigawatts at a power station or microwatts in a torch.
"If you want to understand further, relax your mind – Imagine you are in your favourite bit of countryside on a beautiful day after a good lunch – You are content. Under these circumstances your mind is free to explore anything without needing to know. Knowledge for its own sake is almost always harmful. In the spiritual life, experience /undergoing precedes revelation."
1993/10/06
Be love(d)
"I am your God – you shall have no other Gods but me. Stop fretting. Allow your stillness to manifest its reward. Be in a state of constancy and prayer. You know – that is your power. Manifest it with quiet determination. We want you to succeed. Please simply accept and trust.
Don’t duck. The prize is in the severity of the test. Bear it without flinching. The discomfort is temporary, the reward everlasting. The purpose is to test and develop your stamina – if you call the test off by not enduring, your stamina won't increase. There is a purpose – trust.
Be love. You are love in the world – whom if not you?
Don’t worry about publishing these thoughts. Be them, that is the best form of publication.
You are infinitely precious in the great scheme. Please believe this and allow the process of wholing to complete itself."
> During this time, after the collapse of my magazine, I gave myself to composition.
Don’t duck. The prize is in the severity of the test. Bear it without flinching. The discomfort is temporary, the reward everlasting. The purpose is to test and develop your stamina – if you call the test off by not enduring, your stamina won't increase. There is a purpose – trust.
Be love. You are love in the world – whom if not you?
Don’t worry about publishing these thoughts. Be them, that is the best form of publication.
You are infinitely precious in the great scheme. Please believe this and allow the process of wholing to complete itself."
> During this time, after the collapse of my magazine, I gave myself to composition.
1993/10/04
Listen!
"Obey – don’t plan!
Err on the side of generosity.
Seek to understand the spiritual topography of the experiences you pass throu.
Be alert for signs, but interpret them intuitively not intellectually."
Err on the side of generosity.
Seek to understand the spiritual topography of the experiences you pass throu.
Be alert for signs, but interpret them intuitively not intellectually."
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