Trust the process

"In moments of doubt you’re at your strongest. You’ll never be more honest with yourself about your feelings. You fear that you(r ego) will fade away, in some way cease to exist.
"But think about it, your fears are social – you might cease to be perceived by certain people on whose attention you depend – you fear exclusion by a social group. That could indeed happen in order to move you to a different position, but would it mean that you had fallen out of the protection of your heavenly protectors? (We talk here of souls who have consciously sought protection.) By no means no-how.
"I reiterate, nothing can happen except for good to those who are on the spiritual path – any more than the geostable relationships between the planets can alter. There are metaphysical laws of psychic forces, similar to those of physics, that hold you(r consciousness /ego /soul) in a flexible yet constant relationship to the God within you(r higher consciousness /otherness /spirit).
"Be merciful to yourself – forgive yourself! Expose your inner wounds to the healing sun. If I were to recommend making a sign, it would say Trust the process in enormous letters! The process is me manifesting in your life, but you are also manifesting in your life! That is the process – the interpenetration of ego & higher consciousness. That way matter, infused with the divine, both transforms and is transformed. As your vision is clarified so you become more conscious of multi-dimensional existence and of your true spiritual heredity.
"How, apart from these apparent crises, could you become familiar with the sub-liminal knowledge you access when 'led into temptation', ie ‘put to the test’ or proved – or learn to develop spiritual energy? We have shown you before that knowledge is never given apart from experience – that is the human way! It is from and within the experience that knowledge develops. Spiritually, your building is designed to be constantly reinforced by internal steel rods after it is built! That may occasionally be a little painful, but that is part of the experience of new birth. Respect your body, treat it as it deserves.
"Do you feel as if you’re trying to single-handedly hold back the tide? This is a dream–tide! Let it sweep over you, submerge your senses in it. It has come to tell you something."

You control your reality - by remaining true to your self

Keep the energy flowing.
Keep the reality you wish to create always in your mind.
Don’t allow your vision to become contaminated by terrestrial energies.
Testing weeds out the dross, and refines the valuable.

Steer straight by keeping your eye on the longterm goal.
Once you lose sight of it the whole landscape changes and becomes confusing.
That is one thing that really is up to you.
If you’re focused we can help you, but if you lose focus we have no way of getting throu to you except when the psychic barrier thins during times of extreme emotion – disaster or joy.
The wilderness is a place for gaining clarity.
You cause yourself to enter it when you need to strip away the accumulated psychic rubbish.
But you don’t have to if you remain constant to what you’re shown.

Trust! Trust yourSelf."

Whatever you are is right for right now, but who knows what you can become?

"Really, we could stop communicating directly in this way and just let you get on with it. You already have enough to occupy you. Indeed we sometimes wonder whether what we say may not distract you from what you’ve already been told! But it's the way of the spiritual universe to continue to grow and evolve. What is new doesn’t invalidate what has gone before, nor does it suggest that it was incomplete. What you were before was right for you then, what you are is right for you now, and what you may become will be right for your future – call it growth, or call it an appropriate response to the situation.
"Your current situation offers you the power to grow, seize the moment, don’t let it pass you by ‘ungrown’. Welcome troubles as you welcome joy. And praise, praise, dear heart, always praise! Honouring the supreme being is honouring life – honouring life is honouring your self – honouring your self is honouring the supreme being, whose nature you share."

Tests focus where you need to grow

"What is the purpose of a test? To focus your awareness on a certain area where you need to grow. Whatever emotions arise in the epicentre of the test reflect an immaturity that needs to be developed, in your case the stewardship of resources. (Concentrate, concentrate, don’t diffuse your attention) Write only what is true, don’t dip your pen in the oil of flattery for commercial advantage. Your integrity is your most valuable asset. Follow your inner leadings at all costs. Fear blocks your inner voice: perfect love casts out fear. When you understand that saying you erase time. Don’t fiddle around with inessentials. Go for the heart and don’t deviate.
What more reassurance do you want? Trust the process. Ebenezer – ‘up till now God has blest us’. Praise sets you free. Be as a stone blessing the chisel that shapes it from an unformed rock into an image to be admired for eternity.

A message from Sai Baba

O heavenly father, you are the source of all our love, lighten our hearts and teach us to praise your radiance. Sai Baba, help me to understand your role.

"Just as there is no clear division between masculinity and femininity, so there is no sharp dividing line between spirit and flesh. Most people‘s neural circuitry (given physical predisposition of the brain) is the product of their forebears’ preoccupation with worldly matters – physical survival, getting and spending, attracting love, &c. If a person can escape those concerns and realise something of the glorious morning of the spirit world s/he is in a position to conceive a child whose neural circuitry is already to some degree altered from the average. If that person, building from a higher base, develops hir own spiritual abilities hir child is in a position to continue the upward spiral of perception. It is the simple law of eugenics, to which is added the spiritual affinity of souls attracted to each other. (Anyone is always free to reject hir predisposition, but may have to face a negative consequence to hir life-path of not acknowledging hir calling.)
"Let us assume the process has continued for several generations, intentionally or by chance, at last two parents conjoin whose DNA is ready to produce the psycho-physiology into which an advanced being can step to assume an incarnation and so, like the pearl within the oyster, a person who has capacity for spiritual greatness is born. Yet even at this stage, just as an oak throws thousands of acorns to the ground in a single season, so potential ‘lights’ may be dimmed, even extinguished, by unforeseen circumstance or personal weakness.
"Those who emerge throu this sifting process are rightly revered as authentic human spirits. Yet there is still a 'threading' process, involving the purposeful refinement of karma & careful stewardship of gifts (charismata). Only to the individual whose human personality became aware of hir divine mission at or before birth and who thus understood intuitively the need for actions (karmas) to will-less & imbued by direct inspiration can the title Avatar (divine incarnation) be given. And the right to that honour can only be retained by the individual growing, without deviation, in the path shown – in fact, by following utterly and completely the leadings of hir heart.
"The heart is the organ where humans experience the interactions of spirit and materiality. Some incarnating souls, only partially entering the human plane, empower people to stand in the doorway between the worlds, drawing into the physical world unusual manifestations which are everyday occurrences in the non–material world. Those people, such as I am, have access to planes of esoteric knowledge and awareness (so long, only, as we remain faithful) that are as natural to us as swimming and flying. Perhaps you can think back, when you were young all sorts of learning seemed impossibly difficult; as you got older it seemed easy, yet ahead of you lay stuff that was really hard! Yes, well that’s how I experience it. What is abstruse to you is plain to me, and what is abstruse to me in known only to the divine power that draws us all onward in the exciting slalom of existence.
"To anyone who thinks this knowledge may be gained by study, I say throw away every book and start listening to your heart. If you will just allow yourself to be whatever you are at this moment –uncertain, grief-stricken, joyful, harrast, afraid, speedy– if you will allow yourself to be absolutely what you are feeling (yes my friend, I mean you Mr Writer!) you will step throu into a world of possibilities where your heart (ie, love) can rule – then ‘awareness’ comes. At that point you may want to compare your experiences with those of others who have gone before.
"The problem with reading books is that you can hardly avoid clinging to what you’re told, as if it were a normative experience. I want each and every one of you to follow your own path, and to learn to hear your own inner voice (your true guru/teaher); that is strength.
"If you’re reading this, and feeling like a seedling just pushing thru the earth, you must seek nurture, place yourself under a gardener who will regulate the amount of light and water you need. Of course you can do it by yourself, but isn’t it more fun with others? Only to those with a specific calling is it given to hatch out spiritually and then to have to crawl like eels across alien territory to unknown waters for fulfillment.
"Have fun. Be! Don’t strive. That is my message. Thank you for asking."

In the journal where I wrote this I noted that the same day the bank cut off my credit, but later agreed to an extension of my borrowing to fund CataList, the magazine I was publishing at the time. From this point forward this switchback pattern (of dazzling growth in my spirituality, accompanied by tremendous shocks in my materiality!) succeeded ultimately in loosening the stranglehold my ego had over my soul. I say this so that anyone led here may take comfort from the knowledge that we do survive these difficult times in our lives and emerge enriched.
How wisely the Lord's Prayer recommends we ask 'lead us not into temptation' – testing: even tho it is, ultimately, an unavoidable passage on the route to spiritual maturity.

I require nothing of you except love

"I require nothing of you except love. Why I say you should live each day at a time, is because if you plan, your brain spins off on its own trajectory. Its not that it's morally wrong, it's just that you thereby lose contact with the wellsprings of your personality. You can’t respond honestly with joy, sadness, uncertainty, or change plan suddenly when new factors enter the picture, because all your planning would go awry – and you ‘can’t afford' that. How happy if you can make your work your source of praise. Don’t let your occupation be a curse or a millstone. Surrender it to me, and let me use it for my purposes. You may be a soldier, or work in the meat trade, it doesn’t matter. No matter what you do, you shouldn’t move until I lead you (if it's already happening you’ll know). I can help you learn better and faster in an adverse situation than in a smooth and favourable one.
"The key to change is praise. PRAISE – honouring your connection with the one-ness! Shout it from the rooftops.
"Praise lightens everything, your burdens, the atmosphere, your friendships. And light spreads light contagiously till everything is a riot of colour and de–light. And from that grows the richest fruit – love. That is how you can recognise the truly enlightened – they love; and spread love around as an apple tree showers apples on the earth. You can't help it, love buds from your branches when it is spring, glistens on your boughs when in flower, aches all over your body when it is summer, and falls into the waiting hands of a hungry world when the harvest–time comes.
"Don’t ask when it'll be time for harvest – it already is. As deep as your roots so high shall be your tree, and all the birds of air shall come and make their habitation therein. BE. Don’t seek. Think of the connecting eyes revolving around the throne: praise > light > love >> praise …"

What are tests actually about?

"It is a test. But like all tests, the subject is not the practical issue in question but that of your learning to discern & rely on my strength, not your own."

Vision

I am the servant of God:
I do whatever S/He wills:
I focus on realising Hir will for me.

"You mustn’t go on seeking to hide behind other things or people.
Acknowledge your self. Ask for your self. Stick at it. Don’t be afraid to walk out on the stage.
Go slower to go faster. Go because you’re empowered."

The wall

"Don’t beat about the bush, strike out for the heart. When you were working in other mediums you were making allegories, now you’re telling it straight. Leap off the cliff. Trust. The process that brought you to this point isn’t going to abandon you, unless you abandon it.
"Do you see how your perception has changed? At first you saw the learning in terms of light, now you see that the light points towards love. Light enters throu the eyes and illuminates the brain, but love enters throu the heart and enflames the body. When love has consumed the body it is free to fly. Don’t seek explanations, they won't make sense. Just accept the flow. Have fun now. If you can learn to keep your eye on the ball – if you can come throu this we‘ll be more able to use you.
"In sports training you reach a point they call 'the wall'. You seem to reach your physical limits, but you must press on if you're to compete in the Finals. In the psychic world it's the same – only when, on reaching your limit (the bitter end!), you then 'allow' your self to lead can you pass throu the apparent barriers & so enter the glorious liberty of the children of god, the freedom from a 'reality' boundaried by materialistic considerations – the one where you know that your imagination creates the world around you."

This came at a time when I was resuming publication of my magazine without the safety-net of a publisher.